WEEK 1: Vulnerability in Writing and Connecting with Readers

MEMOIR MAGAZINE SURVIVOR WRITERS WORKSHOP: WEEK 1: Vulnerability in Writing and Connecting with Readers. 

Readings:

• Watch the TED Talk Video: Power of Vulnerability By Brene Brown.
• Read: Selections from “Other Side” by Lacey M. Johnson,
• “RISE” by Megan Baxter
• “Reflections:While Sitting in Traffic” by Jaquira Diaz

 

Discussion: Vulnerability = Connection

 “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

—Maya Angelou

In her Power of Vulnerability Ted Talk, Brene Brown defines Courage as: “to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.” To “Let our selves be seen. Deeply seen. Vulnerably seen.”

What does she mean by this? That to have the courage (to really tell our story) we have to be open to writing about our shame, fear, and struggles for worthiness, etc.

This is a powerful, and inspiring concept, but why does she say this? Why must the writer specifically embrace vulnerability? The short answer: true vulnerability in writing connects with humanity in a powerful way.  As readers of memoir, the more a writer is able to show us their vulnerability the more engaged we become.

But being vulnerable is scary. Sometimes we writers avoid being vulnerable in our writing because we fear what people will judge us or readers do not want to read this stuff. This kind of thinking is often the result of our *Inner Critic, a “critical inner voice” inside our heads, a (self-sabotaging) negative internal commentary on who we are and how we (should) behave.

But we shouldn’t worry about this. We have ways to deal with the Inner Critic and the fact is readers crave vulnerability. In Memoir, vulnerable writing startles the reader and creates an immediate sense of urgency. Not to mention, no one wants to read about a “perfect” person who led a perfect life. We are happy for them; we just don’t want to read a memoir about it. Why? Because, unless the writing voice is absolutely hysterical, the perfect life is boring and can ring unauthentic. The best (most engaging) memoirs are about the way actual humans overcome obstacles. And actual humans are vulnerable.

Sometimes these past experiences of vulnerability seem too hard to face, let alone be even more vulnerable by telling a friend about them or writing about them or, even, (gulp!) publish them for strangers to read. Why even write these moments?  Because writing is our imperative, it sustains us and keeps us going in a number of ways. Maybe it’s about letting our voices be heard or sharing a story that others could connect with. Maybe the practice of being vulnerable when facing the events of our hardest moments is important because we have to get them out of us and onto the page to set them free. Either way, when you set out to write about the difficult past or present, remember its not just okay to be vulnerable, its vital to your development goals and to connect with readers.

But perhaps most importantly, overcoming your fears and being vulnerable will help you tell your story more authentically, by cutting through all of the self-protective personas (facades) you’ve worn in the past to cover up what pains and shames and frightens you.

As we set out to write about these difficult moments, keep three things in mind:

• You might be surprised by what comes up for you. There could be a small seemingly irrelevant detail that when you go to write it down it might become a focal point and that might disturb you. Take care of yourself, and keep going. (And when you’re a reader, do the same. You might be triggered, but breathe and focus on the craft, on how the story is being told.)
• You have to write past your inner critic that tells you that you can’t write these things down. You have to write through the ways you usually deflect writing about the core of your experience.
• Your story-your feelings. Memoir is not so much about listing what happened and more about how it made you feel. This is the core of your experience. Others may deny events because of their own issues or limitations, but no one can deny your By embracing vulnerability (on or off the page) you can tell your story in a way that frees you and engages readers to the highest degree.

Writing out these hard moments is an act of going against instinct. But you find freedom when you run towards the fire. You have to write out the actual story because it’s a great story in its own way and every great story wants to be told. Must be told—no matter how hard it is.

One of the great outcomes of the MeToo movement has been so many survivors realizing they are not alone and that the fall out from Sexual Assault has many common manifestations, like alienation, self-harm, resentment, trauma, PTSD, addiction, promiscuity at a young age, sexual confusion, distortion, mental illness, anger, rage, fearfulness, low self-esteem, physical disability, (the list is endless) and we are finding out more each day.  This means that no matter what you have experienced, there is no greater time to share it and feel free to explore it in your writing. Basically, you shouldn’t think that anything you are dealing with is out of bounds for exploration in your writing for yourself or for readers. Chances are readers are already aware of many of these and, if not, they will be grateful for your brave decision to share.

—

Over the next six weeks we will be reading and writing a lot of eye-opening material. Next week we will discuss more Craft techniques for writing the hard stuff. This week I want to make sure you have enough Emotional Resources for this journey.

So what to do if you have trouble dealing with the onslaught of emotions that may arise as you write?

First, reach out to me. I am here for you in this process. You can email me, text me or speak with me whenever you need to.

Secondly, I encourage you to team up with a licensed professional and to cull a list of resources, hotlines, ways to get support and counseling to fully serve you at this time.

Finally, I’ve listed a few emotional resources that can help from time to time. Please use what resonates with you and discard what does not. (See the Emotional Resources Document section of this course).

• CHECK OUT: https://lateralaction.com/articles/inner-critic/

—

Discussion Questions (Please post your answer to at least one of the following questions by Friday).

1. Why do you feel like you must write about the hard stuff?
2. What are your thoughts on vulnerability? What makes you vulnerable? Do you find it hard to write about your struggles? If so, what stops you? What do you most fear will happen when you tell your story?

3. What are the moments in Diaz’s essay where you got a sense that she had to write against her instincts to not write that? What about her writing in that one moment makes you feel this way?
4. What are some of moments in these readings that stirred up a strong emotion in you? What was that emotion? How did it feel? What about the writing do you think made such an impact on you?

Writing Exercises: (Please write these exercises by Friday)

1. Make a list of at least three things you would NEVER write about, and then for each item listed write for five minutes about why you can’t write about that story. It can be a specific events, feeling, results of an event, or even people. Don’t over think it, you probably know in your heart already what stories you want to tell. Go ahead, BLEED onto the page!
2. Pick one of the stories you wrote down. Now spill your guts out for ten minutes and write about that moment. But as you write, don’t end one sentence and start another. Make your ten minutes of writing one continuous sentence.
3. Write about a time when you had a strong reaction to something that someone said or did that completely surprised you. Focus on what the reaction actually felt like in your body and why you think you had that reaction.